5.19-5.25.26: Give and Take

We’re keeping it simple with just one card today, and it packs a punch…

The Six of Pentacles invites us to examine our relationship with Give and Take. Do you tend to be more of a giver? Or are you more often on the receiving end of things? Chances are, if you identify as a woman (and especially if you’re a mom), you tend to give more than you receive. Ringing true for you?

Take a look at the Six of Pentacles. Two figures kneel with open hands and eager expressions at the feet of a third figure, who we’ll call the “Giver.” The Giver diligently doles out money (or food, or some other unknown substance) to the two people in need. If you’re a parent or a caregiver or work in public service or are part of the “sandwich generation,” or—like me—can claim all of those roles, you likely identify with the role of the “Giver.” But unlike the figure in today’s card who bears a kind, serene, unwavering expression, my guess is that yours might look a little more frazzled. Maybe a little burnt out, a little… dare I say, resentful? (Hey, no judgement. It’s not easy being a Giver!).

Something else I want you to notice about the Giver, though, is that they hold a scale in their hand. It is within their power (and yours) to ensure that the Giving and Receiving is even—or if not even, it is at least equitable. Maybe their expression is so serene because their scales are balanced. How are your scales looking these days? Perhaps a little lopsided? If that is the case for you, your goal this week is to try balancing the scales a bit. So how, exactly, to go about this?

Assess the situation

If you are in a long-term relationship, does your partner share an equal amount of the domestic labor? If not (or if you’re not sure), might I suggest you two read Fair Play by Eve Rodsky and explore the Fair Play deck together?

Ask for help (from a partner or otherwise)

I know, I know. Asking for help doesn’t exactly come naturally for the Givers. And if you’re a recovering perfectionist like myself, the trickier part might actually be ACCEPTING THE HELP THAT IS OFFERED. This involves letting go of control, which can feel uncomfy.

(What’s that old saying? If I want it done right, I have to do it myself?)

But if you truly want to take something off your plate, I’ll say it again: ACCEPT THE HELP THAT IS OFFERED—in the way it is offered. They might not do it “your way,” but maybe the outcome will be even better than you expected!

Economist and author Emily Oster talks about the concept of Total Responsibility Transfer (or “TRT,” as she calls it). TRT is a strategy for dividing household labor more equally between family members. Just like it sounds, TRT involves completely handing off a task so just one person “owns” it and the other person can totally wash their hands of it. Oster uses the example of meal planning: “Making meals for a family requires planning, shopping, and cooking. Doing only the cooking, or only the shopping and cooking, is only part of the work.” TRT reduces the issue of “invisible labor” (which, let’s be honest, the majority of invisible labor in this society is done by women), by explicitly naming and handing off the entire task from start to finish. The meal planning example is obviously specific to the home, but TRT can be applied anywhere—to your workplace, your friend group, your volunteer gig. Oftentimes it’s not that someone else refuses to help, it’s that the person asking for help is unwilling to fully hand off the task. What might it look like if you tried completely handing off a task to someone this week? At home, at work, with a spouse or roommate or child? Give it a shot and see what happens.

Give back to yourself

If you’re a Giver, it can feel really unnatural to take time for yourself. You may even feel guilty doing so. But as the saying goes, “You can’t pour from an empty cup.” If your goal (or your job/responsibility) is to pour into others, you must first pour into yourself. And let me be clear: you deserve to be poured into PERIOD—even if you don’t intend to “give back” to anyone else. You are worthy of love and care and nurturing independent from the love/care/nurturing you give to others. You are worthy of these things because you are a human being.

So take the solo trip, do the ladies’ night, ask for what you want (and give it to yourself if someone else is unable or unwilling to!), invest in yourself and your well-being. Because you’re worth it!

Notice how the Universe has your back

If offloading a task or treating yourself sounds like more than you can handle this week, I want you to try something even simpler—something I’ve been trying myself lately: Ask the Universe (or your Guides or God/dess or your Brain or whatever you want to call it) to show you ways the Universe is helping you. And then pay attention. Make note of all the little and big ways you receive help throughout the day. The near-miss fender bender, the unusually smooth morning with the kiddos, the text from a friend that came through at just the right time.

You can be a nerd like me and create a Google folder literally titled “Ways the Universe Has My Back” with separate Docs for each day. Or you can journal about it. Or capture it in your Notes app. Or just make a mental note. But the important thing is to NOTICE it. It goes back to the Law of Attraction I’m always yapping about. Noticing the ways the Universe is already helping us trains our brains to continue noticing that support. And the more we notice, the more we notice. Until eventually that support from the Universe becomes undeniable. ✨

How will you balance the scales this week?

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